Do You Do This Too?

13 september 2018

I always thought there was only one superman. The one on television, with the S on his chest.

And one superwoman of course.

It seems I was wrong.  

I keep seeing people who claim to be superman, or superwoman. 

I'm sure you know them as well. 

They know everything, they're stress-free, they get along with everyone, and they've nothing left to learn.

At least, that's what they'd like me to think.

Being in a position where I often recruit, train or coach people - maybe their behavior is not so strange.

But is it helpful? 

You might not know it, but we all have a lie detector embedded in our brain.

Standard. At no extra cost. And like a lot of the functionalities on our smart phone, we don't even know it's there. Our prefrontal cortex is designed to spot anomalies - and lies, unless they are performed perfectly, are part of those anomalies. So unless you have been trained by the FBI or CIA - or you're a psychopath and you genuinely believe your own lies - people will spot your lies.

So what is the alternative?

We all have had good experiences in life, and bad ones. 

We all carry a backpack with stones, we all use survival & defense mechanisms.

We all have allergies (I'm not talking about food, but about people, attitude & behavior), we all have strengths, we all have development areas. 

In short, none of us are perfect.

Pretending that we are perfect undermines our credibility. It takes away opportunities to connect, to learn, to grow.

The more honest you are with yourself about who you are, warts and all, the more you can create your own happiness and success.

Showing vulnerability, showing the real you is the only way to establish trust. 

It's the only way around the lie detector in the other person's brain.

Honesty is the best defense. Honesty is the best offense. Honesty is the only strategy that works.

Don’t go into a meeting pretending you know everything.

Don’t go to a training or interview trying to prove you’re perfect.

You’re not fooling anyone.

Leave Superman where he belongs - in Gotham City or on TV.

Bring the real you - you might just get that dream job, that promotion or the the credibility that you crave.