What do you get frustrated by?
07 december 2018
Have you ever considered that you might be your own worst enemy?
That there is one thing you do yourself, that is THE reason for all your anger, frustration or disappointment?
Last week, I had one of those angry moments myself. The end of the year is typically a buy period for our company.
Everyone wants to start the New Year with their things in order.
And we're packing everything up for our office move in 3 weeks.
So my schedule is full, to the brim.
And then I promised to help someone out. I was happy enough to make the promise.
Maybe I felt a bit of hesitation when I put it in my calendar. But I didn't give it much thought.
Until the day of the appointment. I felt stressed, frustrated, angry. I didn't have time for this. This was not a priority.
Why did he have to claim my time now? Doesn't he realize how busy I am? Damn him!
Can you see what is happening here?
I made a promise I didn't really want to make. But I did it anyway.
I like helping people. It's part of who I am, it's part of what I do.
So I said yes by default, not by choice.
We all do this at times.
But what happens when you make a choice by default?
You're not owning the choice. It's as if the choice happened to you.
And then, when something happens that makes you realize this is not what you wanted, you blame the person "who made your do it".
They didn't make you do it. They couldn't, even if they wanted to.
You did. You made a choice. You just didn't realize what that choice really meant.
This is - for most of us - a daily source of inner turmoil.
So what are these unwanted choices that we make? You recognize them as the "shoulds" in your life.
I have to work late. I have to visit my family. I have to make that presentation.
None of that is true. There are only 2 things you have to do:
-
breathe (if you want to keep living)
-
pay taxes (if you don't want to become an outlaw)
That's it. Everything else is voluntary. Everything else is self-inflicted.
To misquote Yoda: Do or don’t. There really is no in between.
Be intentional about what you promise. Be intentional about your choices.
Then own them.
If you don't, they'll start owning you.
You will be weighed down by all the "shoulds".
Frustrated by expectations of others, by their lack of empathy, their lack of ownership.
Don't do that to yourself.
Get intentional about your choices.
The more intentional your choices, the happier you become.
Intentional choice puts you in charge of your own agenda.
A choice isn't a choice, unless you have considered all the consequences.
That doesn't mean you have to like all your choices. Or all the consequences.
Maybe you would prefer not to go to that reception, but if you do, own it.
If you don't, own the consequences.
No one is forcing you to do these endless repetitive tasks at work.
If you hate them so much, look for another job.
Or you can choose for the safety of your current job. It's your choice.
No one else can make you.
Whether you do or you don't, own it.
The alternative is to make the choice, and blame someone else for the unwanted consequences.
Guess which one will make you happier?