How do you like to get feedback?

07 december 2018

When I ask you how you like to get feedback, what would you tell me?

Do you like it clear & caring? Actionable. Something you can learn from.

You probably prefer a balanced story - about what's already going well & what can be improved upon.

Am I getting close?

Basically, what we need to be able to hear feedback, and do something with it, is (emotional) safety.

The safety that we are being seen/heard & understood as a person.

That we're not judged.

How good are you at creating safety when you give feedback... to yourself?

If you are like most people, the dialogue we have with ourselves, in our own head, is everything but safe.

Name calling? Swear words? Exaggerations? Blame game? 

Chances are that there is no compassion, no balance, no safety in how you talk to yourself.

Would you accept another person, anyone, to treat you like this?

If anyone else but you would speak like this, you would tell them to stop, or simply walk away.

This is no way to treat anyone.

So why do it to ourselves?

In some twisted way, it seems that we believe that the tougher we are on ourselves, the better we will become.

The less others will feel the need to criticize us.

So we are hurting ourselves to protect ourselves.

What would happen if we started treating ourselves the way we treat others.

Probably still with a critical eye, but also with care & consideration. 

You don't have to become complacent. But you can be nicer to yourself.

This will help you to learn from your mistakes and grow.

Instead of trying to avoid mistakes at all costs (impossible).

Do yourself & others a favor, create safety when giving feedback - to anyone, including yourself.